They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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