we're chasing vodka with high fives
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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