They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
