I didn't shave. On purpose
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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