I can tuck mytits in my pants
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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