I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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