Buhtt sex?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
