The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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