sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
