this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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