well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
