I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The air was thick with penises
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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