It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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