i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
