I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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