She announced her abortion via fbk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
