Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
