Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
