I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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