there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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