I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize