i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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