3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
