I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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