Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
