i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
