I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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