Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
time to smoke my breakfast
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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