I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
