Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
