At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
