i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
