i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
