Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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