The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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