I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
