Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
