Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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