oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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