so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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