my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
