She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
