They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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