omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm really busy with my period
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