i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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