The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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