I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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