when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
