Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish you could order shots online.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
