He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
