apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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