Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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