Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
