also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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