Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
