come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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