"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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