What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
